Sensitivity is a superpower
Dear Team Joy,
Last week I was speaking with a potential client. Picture a young woman in her late 20s: gorgeous, competent, and intense. The kind of person who won all the awards in college. When I met her, I thought, “Oh this girl’s a try hard”, with a mix of intrigue and admiration. Game sees game. She’s quick to laugh, witty, and craves excellence. From the moment we met socially, I knew I wanted her in my professional orbit too.
We talked about my desire to help heart driven leaders live more authentically and get out of the false binary between cultivating excellence OR love. I could tell she thought it was thought-provoking but not necessarily relevant to her.
We finished our lunch and as we were saying our goodbyes, she looked around to make sure no one was in earshot.
Then she whispered, “My thing is…I just need to be less sensitive.”
My ears perked up. “What do you mean?”
She explained, “I’m the only woman on my company’s leadership team. I seem to take things to heart when no one else does. I will stay up late thinking about how [this person] was hurt in our team meeting today. It’s distracting.”
I imagined her as the only person conscious of the pinball machine of emotions chaotically flying amongst her teammates.
Part of being an entrepreneur is trying to identify and reach your ideal client. Here was mine.
Her struggle is my struggle. In my family I have always been “the sensitive one.” A term of endearment laced with concern. Many parents of “sensitive ones” want to protect them from the chaos, and help them build a harder shell.
When I am in environments unsuitable to my needs I react much faster and seemingly more dramatically than others. I spent a lot of energy trying to lessen or ignore my intense internal reactions, which of course only made the reactions bigger. Sensitivity is not a flame we can extinguish, it’s a powerful light trying to guide us to what’s meant for us.
For my own wellbeing, I have studiously sought ways to understand and cultivate my sensitivity. It is now a critical part of the way I make decisions and indispensable to my work as a coach.
I sensed that if I could support this magnetic woman in turning her sensitivity way up instead of damping it down, she would not just live with more inner wellbeing herself, but she would change the world around her. To me, that’s why I am doing this work.
✨ Sensitivity is a superpower.
I know sensitivity is a superpower. I know it because I have seen how it plays out in my own life. But I have been thinking about how I would convince other business leaders to acknowledge and cultivate their own sensitivity. Going from trying to turn off your emotions, to turning them way up.
🧐 Sensitivity matters…an argument built from my head:
We live in a right brain dominant business culture, meaning we want to know things based on data. Things need to be concrete. I want to share two arguments with you. One researched by my head, and one from my heart on the power of sensitivity.
Let’s start here, what is sensitivity? Sensitivity is your awareness of the stimuli around you, both emotional and environmental (like noises and textures). A highly sensitive person (HSP) was a term first coined by Dr. Elaine Aron and it describes people with a heightened awareness of external stimuli.
I identify as an HSP. Being an HSP is like having a superpower that most people view as a liability. To be honest I am not a researcher at heart, so the studies that show the differences in brain behavior between an HSP and a “normal brain”, are overwhelming to me to interpret. For the purposes of this blog, I am going to take some of their conclusions at face value. From my own life, and from academic and qualitative studies, here are some of the advantages I perceive of being an HSP at work:
The power of being a highly sensitive person at work:
Empathy: a heightened ability to understand and relate to the emotions of others. We are adept at gauging team cohesion and other people’s needs.
Innovation: noticing gaps others miss, and offering innovative solutions.
Creativity: possessing a rich inner world and a vivid imagination fuels our creativity in various forms.
Intuition: Noticing subtle cues and patterns in our environment, which can help us navigate complex social situations and make wise decisions.
Depth: Continual introspection can help us generate profound insights and an appreciation for the mysteries of life.
Integrity: Deeply valuing fairness ignites us to consistently advocate for justice in many areas of our lives.
These skills are incredible. The decision to crush your sensitivity is like having access to another language and saying, "No thank you.” And I get why most people try to turn it off. Most work environments do not cultivate or properly value the above strengths. So here is a message from my heart on why you should.
💚 Why sensitivity matters…from my heart:
Dear one,
We need you to be sensitive. Your sensitivity is what you leads you home. What leads YOU home, leads all of us home. As corny as it sounds you are the canary in the coal mine. Your sensitivity and intuition is an early indication system for things that are broken. We are all in need of healing: overstimulated, exhausted, and isolated. Often disconnected from ourselves, each other, and nature. Following your inner knowing will be a light for all of us.
I know it’s scary to follow, because your sensitivity doesn’t care about culture or the status quo. It doesn’t care about where the next paycheck will come from, or the next status symbol you are chasing. Its north star is love. It is unfailing pointing you toward love and healing.
Even though you are hiding your sensitivity in service of love, so you can belong, the painful truth is your decision to override your system won’t lead you to a place where you can receive love. It will lead you to a place that will just require more overriding. It’s the wrong compass, it won’t lead you to the destination you crave.
To harness your superpowers, you will need to befriend your sensitivity.
You will need to spend time in your inner world.
Journaling, walking without headphones, meditating. This is where you start. By spending time alone with you, you’ll establish a baseline for how you feel without external stimuli impacting you. When you’re back out in the world you will more clearly differentiate between what is yours, and what is coming towards you.
To all of my sensitive ones out there, please don’t give up on your powers.
If I can be supportive to you on this journey I am here, or email me at isabel@teamjoycoaching.com.
Have someone in your life who is “sensitive” please share this with them. 💚
All my love Team Joy, have a wonderful weekend!
Isabel