Navigating layoffs
Good morning Team Joy,
Thank you for the outpouring of love on my last post about my Grandma Goldie. Your appreciation for her as a New York Icon, in all her complexity, made me feel affirmed in my decision to share her with this community. đ I felt loved by the many âMay her memory be a blessing messages.â Thank you for holding me during this difficult time.
Before we jump into todayâs post, I would love your help in shaping the future of Team Joy. I am considering different ways for us to live more fully into the âTEAMâ aspect of pursuing joy together. I would be really grateful for your input on ideas I am considering. Anyone who fills out the survey, can also book a 30 min strategy session with me for FREE to discuss their highest priority challenge.
Today I wanted to write about navigating the uncertainty of layoffs, because the majority of my clients are currently being impacted by them in some way. Either they were personally laid off, watched their coworkers get laid off, or are fearing layoffs will come to their organization.
This is the first time in my professional career that the market has felt this unsteady for my peer group. My clients are experiencing fear, anger, disillusionment, and grief.
Fear: I am being forced into the unknown. I feel unsafe.
Anger: You made promises to me and didnât keep them.
Disillusionment: I thought I meant more to this company than this. I expected you to treat my peers better than this.
Grief: I will miss my people.
We are encouraged to believe that business isnât personal, but that rings hollow to me. We trade our time and energy for money. Our time and energy are inherently personal. We also often bring our hearts to our colleagues, and our brain space to the mission at hand. In the best case scenario, we are deeply engaged. Going through a layoff can mean losing financial security, community, and channeled motivation all in one. Thatâs a lot of grief.
The perceived lack of agency in the choice can also feel crushing. It has forced many of my clients to reckon with their own vulnerability and realize that their sense of âsecurityâ at work was a facade. The agreements upon which they built their identity were fragile. Itâs terrifying.
How can you find safety during this?
What happens when âknownâ gets taken away
I used to build my life around boxes, it helped me create a sense of order. This is my job, this is my partner, this is my home. Each one of these boxes came with signals about who I was, and I was strongly attached to them not changing. If one of those boxes or ideas crumbled, I felt intense anxiety and would ruminate obsessively on strategies to either reconstruct it or find a replacement as fast as possible. Believing safety came from outside of me, wanting to do everything I could to avoid change.
Change can often feel like entering a dark tunnel with a small lantern. We canât see the light on the other side, and our fear convinces us that we will run into creepy, crawly monsters at every turn. We do everything we can to avoid the tunnel to begin with, trying to see if there are any other routes back to safety. Even if we had self-doubt about the original box we were clinging to, once its taken away, we imagine we would be better off if we still had it.
We can convince ourselves that even if the certainty wasnât really what we wanted, at least it was known. Known is safe, and safe is best.
So what happens when âknownâ gets taken away? Most of us start with avoidance. When we experience pain, the last place we want to be is with ourselves, because thatâs where the pain exists. We find all our favorite ways to run, stuff, and avoid. This can include running towards a flurry of activity. Maybe if I stay busy I can outrun the pain, and avoid the tunnel of grief?
But we always catch up to ourselves, and if we wait long enough, eventually our bodies will scream for our attention. Even more importantly, when we refuse to acknowledge ourselves, including our pain, we lose touch with our own compass. This is exactly what we need to navigate through the unknown.
So whatâs the other way? How do we move through this intense change in a way that honors ourselves?
When we experience significant change, our body needs time and space to process whatâs going on. This is why many people hire a coach or a therapist. Itâs why I did when I first decided to leave my corporate job. Its an hour a week when you can come back to yourself, and stay present with the grief, anger, and fear. With focused presence, our bodies can begin to digest our emotions, and realign with our new reality. By giving ourselves space to breathe and process, we remain in touch with our own intelligence. Supportive habits to quiet the noise can allow us to reach more clarity about what we actually need and want through the unknown.
After holding space, I begin to support my clients in reorienting toward the unknown. Here are a few of the questions I have asked:
Where does it feel important to focus your attention during this time?
What do you need from YOU right now?
What would need to be true for this to be the best thing that happened professionally?
How would you know when you were working in an environment you loved?
Here are a few of the limiting beliefs that come up during these sessions:
I am not in a position to be asking for what I want.
I canât have it all.
I need to be realistic.
I get it. Truly I do. I get stuck in my own cycles of not-enoughness every single day. But the most powerful thing you can do during one of these cycles is come back to your breath, and come back to your body. If you can get quiet, your body will remind you who you are, and has the power to guide you to whatâs meant for you.
Some strategies for coming back to yourself are journaling, meditating, going for a walk, being in nature, working with a coach or therapist, calling a friend who is willing to hold space for you. Whatever you can do to let some of the noise around you clearâŚeven if just for 15 mins to reconnect with yourself.
My approach to coaching is centered on the ethos that you have the answers for you. BUT I would be remiss if I did not share a few tactics that may help you navigate this kind of change.
đż GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. đ
One of the hardest parts of being laid off or changing jobs is the isolation. Whether itâs working next to a friend at a coffee shop, finding someone to go on a walk with, or working from the public library. Being around people and leaving your environment can help shift your energy.
đ GO OUTSIDE.
This sounds like the same advice, but itâs not. Being in nature reminds us that not everything is NOT about doing. The trees donât care what you do for work, if you sent those emails, or really if you did anything today. They can teach us how to just be. âď¸
đ BUILD STRUCTURE.
This was one of the hardest adjustments in building my own business, and I see this with clients that are adjusting to employment changes. All of a sudden you have full control over your time again. Which sounds like a good thing, but can also be accompanied by a lot of self-doubt. The newfound choice and responsibility makes it easy to get stuck in the cycle that you are never doing enough. One tactic is to begin by chunking your time into activities that have similar energies e.g. research and outreach for the first two hours, next two hours blocked for calls, then outside time. Having a structure allows some of the swirling to subside, and can support you in channeling your focus again.
đ ASK FOR HELP.
Many of us with big ambitions believe everything needs to be earned. We feel more comfortable giving than receiving. Asking your community and your network to support you in finding a new opportunity you are excited about gives the people that love you a way to channel their support. People may say no, of course, but the people who say yes can bring more connection into your life. Navigating the unknown is not a solo endeavor, this is a time when you need your people. đ¤
The first part of grief is about survival and cocooning. But then there can be a reimagining. I am not asking you to look on the bright side, or to pretend this is not happening. To plaster positivity on. Actually I am advocating for the opposite. To use this change to open up into even more authenticity. To go inward and consider what you are actually feeling and needing. It all starts with having the courage to listen to yourself, and reminding yourself that you are worthy of honoring what you hear.
Much Love,
Isabel
P.S. Help me shape Team Joy! I would be very grateful for your feedback.