Learning to Trust Yourself
Dear Team Joy,
I received this message from a client this week unexpectedly:
Reading it, I feel myself inhale deeply and hold a sensation of expansion in my chest. To me, messages like this capture why this work matters.
The client who sent me this message, (we’ll call him Sam) first came to work with me to pursue his goal of leaving his stable job to pursue a riskier but potentially more authentic professional path.
He was ready for things to be different because he wanted to feel different. He wanted to feel more energy at work, like he was using his strengths to contribute, and maybe, just maybe, feel like work was actually fun. But there was fear and doubt all mixed up in this decision as well. Was he moving fast enough toward what he wanted? Was he being impulsive? Could he actually pull this off? What was it that he even really wanted anyways? Maybe he wasn’t ready. Maybe his current work wasn’t that bad.
He did not show up to coaching with the explicit purpose of getting more in touch with himself— his true desires, his limits, his non-negotiables, his dreams, etc. But while that may not have been his initial intent, in order for him to move forward, to be comfortable taking this risk, he would need to grow his ability to trust his own decision making.
When we are not in touch with ourselves during moments of big transition, we are effectively flying blind. When we are in touch with ourselves, we turn our power and agency back online. It’s the difference between getting rocked in the waves, and feeling like you are steering a ship. You may still not be in control of the ocean (none of us are), but you can orient yourself to work with the current instead of against it.
So how do you build the muscle of relying on your own steering abilities?
Allow me to walk you through some of the steps:
Locating your emotions: First, you locate and identify your emotions: How is my current situation really making me feel?
As easy as it may sound, this location/identification process can actually take a while, as you work through all of the shoulds that often cloud our ability to get in touch with our own authentic desire (maybe you feel annoyed but you believe you should feel grateful, maybe you feel angry when you should feel composed, the list goes on…). Emotions are information, and when we aren’t in touch with them, or don’t believe them, we find ourselves acting and living in tension— we act one way, while our emotions are point us elsewhere. In other words, we are living incongruently. Having the courage to tell the truth to ourselves and compassionately acknowledge our own reality is the first step back towards integrity.
Creating the sandbox to build within: Next, we bring in practical considerations for where you are trying to go.
It’s easy to feel like if we don’t like a job, we should just leave. But there are often other practical factors to take into consideration as you work your way through a decision. If you want to work in person, are you willing to change locations? If you don’t stay through the end of the year, will you have enough financial runway if the process takes longer than you think?
When we are looking to make a change we can sometimes feel a desire to move fast to show ourselves that we are making external progress. But often it feels too scary to move our lives across the country or quit our jobs quickly. I have found if we give ourselves the grace to move a bit slower, progress actually feels possible, and it’s precisely because things feel possible that you stay committed to the change.
Exploring limiting beliefs: Now we explore where we are getting stuck (internally).
We all have subconscious beliefs and fears that guide our actions and decisions. Maybe you doubt you have what it takes to be a “real” entrepreneur, which keeps you from joining a start-up where you can learn and be mentored or taking on the financial risk of starting one yourself. Or maybe you have a specific vision of success that does not align with what you actually feel called to do in the world. Those specific versions of how reality is supposed to be, as well as the fear of what it could be, limit you from taking action in a direction you would feel more excited about. When you are able to connect to your real emotions and intuition, then you are able to practice using your internal compass to navigate past the shoulds and towards things that really make you excited.
Taking action:
At the end of the day, coaching is a process of navigating uncertainty and taking action. You can’t know the future for certain, so you have to trust yourself to be able to adapt as you go, and check back in with yourself for the next set of instructions as things get confusing or complex. As you take actions to bring you closer to what you want, you have already built the muscle of checking back in with yourself again and again. That’s the revolution. Not the tactics, although tactics can be helpful, but the commitment to listening to yourself.
Alright, back to Sam.
As we met week over week, I witnessed Sam’s confidence grow. Not because the situation became less uncertain or risky, but because he became more committed to following his intuition and trusting himself day by day. He got out of the cycles of setting massive goals that were too hard to meet (and then beating himself up), and shifted towards focusing on the right next step.
Sam did not run out the door immediately, but over the last six months he has honored more of what he wants, communicated his needs more effectively, and given himself more grace as he learns. Yes, he is leaving his job. But this result of feeling more in touch with himself is even more important - because he will take that with him to every aspect of his life. And every job after.
Plus, Sam is a really special human. The fact that Sam is bringing more of Sam to the world fills my soul with purpose. Sam - (who I know will be reading this) thank you trusting me to be your temporary co-pilot. It has been a gift.
So dear reader, as you have stepped into big decisions in your life, how much are you willing to trust yourself and your own inner guidance?
If you are walking through a season of uncertainty and could use a temporary co-pilot, I would love to explore walking alongside you.
If you want to learn more or get started, book time with me here.