Israel

Dear Team Joy,

I am genuinely not sure I have the words for this post— it feels so hard to properly capture the deep grief and heartbreak I feel for and with the Jewish people. The deep grief I feel myself. But I believe real leadership requires vulnerability. Sometimes it requires us to imperfectly string words together, because the only thing worse than doing it imperfectly is not doing it all. So I will try.

It’s a weird thing to claim a country that is not mine. I didn’t help build Israel, I have never lived there, and I have never militarily defended her. Yet, I have been told my whole life that Israel is mine - the miracle homeland of the Jewish people. I was Bat Mitzvah’ed there as a child and watched my younger cousins Bat Mitzvahs there as a teenager. I, like many Jews, am deeply emotionally tied to Israel. I celebrate her wins, and grieve her failures. She is certainly imperfect, and yet she is ours. Last month was the first time I had the chance to be there as an adult - and it was one of the best weeks of my life.

Israel is a country filled with real nourishment - there is a culture of honesty and directness that gets straight to the heart of things, a tradition of religious study that asks the most important questions, a wealth of cutting-edge technology on the forefront of our top universal human challenges, and food so good it demands you savor it. Israel hums with possibilities for the future while being deeply rooted in traditions of the past. The energy there is both inspiring with possibilities and grounding in what’s most important - family.

After 10 days touring through Jerusalem, the Golan Heights and Tel Aviv, I left Israel last month feeling more alive and inspired than I had in months. I felt so deeply proud to be Jewish - I picked up a gold Jewish star necklace at the market and have been wearing it everyday since. These people, my people, had built something miraculous from nothing. I remember thinking that I belonged here… and maybe, just maybe, even one day I could live here.

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I got the first notifications of what was happening in Israel on Saturday afternoon when I returned to my phone after Shabbat. As the stories of horror kept coming in I found myself glued to my phone. I attended a Simchat Torah service Saturday night that was transformed into a mourning service for Israel. We cried together and prayed together, but in that state, I felt mostly shock and denial. We can’t take in terror like that and make sense of it quickly.

When I woke up on Sunday, my entire body felt like lead, and I felt this constant low-level state of panic. This couldn’t be happening.

I have found myself compulsively checking for new information ever since. Consuming heaps of political analysis to try to understand what the fuck is going on and witnessing heartbreaking stories of tragedy and terror coming out of Southern Israel.

As I read story after story I could feel myself spiraling. I lay awake at night with the images burned in my brain and fear reverberating throughout my body. Consuming these stories was undoubtedly making me feel worse but I couldn’t pull myself away.

This grief has been so powerful it has demanded I stop my “normal.” I just watched Jewish families being ripped apart with insane murder and violence.

I have stayed glued to their stories - like somehow my inability to turn away is energetically communicating to my fellow Jews that they matter — that their lives matter to me, even if I am 5,000 miles away feeling mostly helpless.

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What is so emotionally charged about putting words to this moment, is that many things are true at once. I won’t do this perfectly and I don’t understand everything, but here is what I know so far.

We have witnessed an insane massacre against innocent Jewish people unfold. On Saturday Hamas invaded Israel and attacked, raped, murdered, and took Jews hostage. Because they are Jews. I know that any of the victims could have been me or my family had we been there. I feel less safe in the world because of this. Jews are less safe all over the world because of this. When we listen to the stories of violence, the grief, rage, and heartbreak is crippling. We know there is more violence to come. I grieve with the people of Israel, every family who has lost loved ones, and Jews all over the world.

The state of Israel is not invincible. As Israel has ascended over the last several decades, and developed impressive military capabilities, American Jews (myself included) began to perceive Israel as invincible. In its invincibility, and in its assuredness of existence, we had the luxury of debating Israel’s morality. Does Israel represent freedom, oppression, or some nuanced answer of both? In its powerful invincibility, it was easier for others to write the story that Israel is the inhuman bully. But it is not this superhuman force- we are understanding on a whole new level that Israel is deeply human. If you look at the pictures of reservists being called up, it is Jewish teenagers. If you look at those who were attacked, it’s innocent Jewish people in their homes. Soldiers and reservists all over the country are saying goodbye to their loved ones for them to go to war. The whole nation is grieving - and so are Jews all over the world. Israel’s survival is a very human fight. A fight for the right to exist, to keep their families safe, for the state of Israel to continue to thrive, and for there to be a homeland where Jews are not terrorized.

We feel the need to defend and justify our grief. Groups are justifying this violence against Jews by saying it is part of Palestine’s fight for freedom. But by saying this is just another part of a longstanding conflict, they muddy the waters and make people believe they need to know a lot about geopolitics to condemn what they just saw. The history of the conflict and many rounds of peace processes between the Palestinians and Israelis is very complicated. But nonetheless, we should be able to call this massacre for what it is: a massacre, a terrorist attack. And we should be able to grieve accordingly.

Hamas is a terrorist organization. Hamas is a terrorist organization, backed by Iran, that in addition to carrying out these killings, has terrorized and subjugated the Palestinian people. They have put their civilians in harm’s way, carried out pervasive corrupt practices in governing Gaza, and silenced any modicum of internal resistance by jailing, harassing, or murdering internal foes. Hamas is not and has never been a partner for achieving peace. The people have been betrayed by Hamas (by their own people) since Hamas won the election to govern in 2006 and have not held an election since. Instead of using their political mandate to govern and secure safe and prosperous futures for all civilians living there, they have used it to expand a broad jihadist fight to try to destroy the state of Israel. Not to broker peace, not to protect their people, but to commit tremendous violence in the name of resistance. Their murderous actions this weekend have nothing to do with a two-state solution.

Innocent Palestinians will suffer. You would have to be inhuman to look at the people of Gaza and not be moved by their plight. They have extremely limited opportunities to live normal lives that feel safe, free, and prosperous- something I believe every human wants. They are trapped in a tiny enclave with a government that will not create the conditions for the 2M people living there to have a chance at freedom, wellbeing, or real opportunities to contribute. They will continue to have war on their doorsteps and in their homes. There is nowhere for them to go. I watch the stories of destruction coming out of Gaza and I feel their pain too. Innocent people are living inside a war zone.

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This is political, and it is also deeply human.

Since this has started I have found myself confused, unable to focus, depressed, and rageful. I consume story after story. Pure heartbreak. What does this mean? Where will it go? Is there anything for me to do besides grieve?

I like you, don’t know the answers to these questions. I want to move forward, out of this nightmare and back toward my normal life. And yet somehow the pain stays close and tight in my chest, waves of panic roll through me. I will cry for all the mothers whose stories I have heard who are missing their babies. I will cry for every hostage taken to Gaza that is still alive and terrified. I will hold myself and my family close, because I understand and I see the blind hate — the vitriol that was a death sentence to innocent Jews was indiscriminate. It would have been directed at me if I was there. It likely would have been directed at all of us given the 20+ Americans being held hostage.

To the Israelis, I love you, I stand with you, and I pray for your safety. To every Jew around the world that has a heavy heart, that is struggling to move through their daily lives, I see you. For every friend that has reached out that has offered comforting words, that understands that Jews everywhere feel frightened and are grieving, thank you. To the Palestinians who have done nothing to deserve the betrayal of their leaders and are terrified - I pray for you.

There are no easy answers to being human through this. I certainly don’t have them. But nonetheless we try. This conflict is deeply complicated. But it’s important to me, as I begin to understand who I want to be in this world that I share with this community that I am unequivocally deeply proud to be Jewish, and I stand with Israel. I hope you will too.

Much love,

Isabel

P.S. If you want to know more, the coverage I have found most powerful during this crisis is being produced by the Free Press. You can read here or listen here.