Integrity in action

“The moment we deny our truth, we’re like an airplane that’s lost structural integrity. Honesty is what sets us free to fly.” -Martha Beck, The Way of Integrity

The first time I saw real integrity at work was when Louisa sauntered into my life. At least 5’10” with gorgeous red hair, I felt myself immediately drawn to her presence. Her unique mix of intellect, empathy, and passion, combined with a feminine power that was sorely lacking in consulting, made her stand out amongst senior leadership.

She had just been hired as a new partner at McKinsey to lead government relations. Her leadership on Capitol Hill gave her an impressive people savviness that was distinct from the engineer turned senior partner who could systemically breakdown your inventory operations. They had a pulse on numbers and processes, she had a pulse on people.

The most miraculous thing about her (and there were many) was that she led by telling the truth.

Sometimes it’s easier to understand the impact of code-switching from other people’s behavior, than it is to see it within ourselves. I distinctly remember watching some McKinsey partners act one way with our team— pushing hard for deadlines and tearing apart our thorough analysis — and then turn on an entirely different “pleasant” personality when the clients walked into the room. It wasn’t conscious, but my trust in them declined immediately.

It created this question… who are you really? They acted one way when they cared about people’s perception of them and an entirely different way when they determined the people around them didn’t matter for their career trajectory.

And while their approach frustrated me from the beginning, this perception management (changing your behavior to be who you think others want you to be, rather than being your authentic self) was toxic and contagious. If senior leaders do it for clients, more junior employees do it for senior leaders. Everyone is after what they think they want, which is results, but everyone is missing part of what they actually want, which is connection.

In the same way that perception management is contagious, so is integrity.

If one person tells the truth and shows up authentically, others will follow.

For me, that someone was Louisa.

I knew instinctively when I met her that I wanted to work for her. I took a short-term internal role as her chief of staff. Watching her lead fundamentally changed the way I wanted to show up at work.

She taught me how to lead with integrity. Among the many lessons I learned from her, these are the ones that stick out the most years later

Be clear about what you know and what you don’t.

Everyone in consulting is supposed to know a little about a lot. As a consultant, you’re expected to have intelligent words come out of your mouth when the client asks you a question you don’t know the answer to. Aka bullshit. But Louisa didn’t pretend when she was out her depth or try to talk her way out of it. She was often found saying, “Pretend I am the village idiot, explain it to me that way.” Her disarming practice encouraged people to communicate more simply and concisely and allowed her to learn quickly.

Treat the “important people” and the “little people” the same.

She showed up the same way with me in our few minutes prepping before the call as she did when the “important people” joined. She was one of the first leaders I watched be the same communicating up and down the chain. That didn’t mean that she didn’t adjust her style communicating with different audiences, but she didn’t change her personality, her values, or her attention based on their title.

Trust yourself and be willing to disagree.

In a data-driven culture, she didn’t spend relentless hours justifying her knowledge and explaining herself (although she was constantly asked to). She could often predict that taking X action would lead to Y result in a way that was hard to explain how she knew what she knew. But she had great instincts and she already had substantial practice leading from them. She trusted herself in a way that allowed her to courageously advocate for what she believed in, even when she was under immense hierarchical pressure to “fall in line.” She led from her own compass, resulting in real innovation and better outcomes.

Be accountable.

Even though I was working for her, she made it clear to me that our relationship was a two-way street. If I told her part of our collaboration model was impacting me negatively, she wasn’t immediately defensive. She listened intently and then worked with me to adjust where possible. Similarly she told me when a deck I created wasn’t working for her (too long, too complicated, too “consulting”). The culture on our team was one we intentionally built together, and it included sharing our opinions even when we feared the other might be hurt or disappointed.

All of these actions made me trust her immensely. She was the first partner I worked for that I felt truly had my back, and in turn, it made me want to go above and beyond to have hers.

I stood taller at work because of her.

Instead of trying to be perfect in her presence I started saying, “This is what I know, and this is what I don’t know yet…what do you think?” Because this approach gave her real visibility into the gaps, we were able to collaborate better on the problem at hand.

I allowed her to make my work better, and she allowed me a safe place to grow.

And as I worked with her day in and day out, I sought to emulate her style of leadership and presence in the workplace. I found it easy to treat the people “below” me with kindness. But it was harder for me to let go of this intense desire for senior leadership to perceive me as competent. That desire usually got channeled into reading their emotions, trying to be overly like-able, trying to anticipate their viewpoints and questions, and generally being a smidge constipated energetically (if we’re honest).

But her authenticity of being herself, regardless of who was in the room with her, rubbed off on me. I have one of my most fruitful mentorship relationships today with the General Counsel of McKinsey Pierre, because Louisa introduced me to her boss. She encouraged me to have a 1-on-1 with him, and as I left her to join that meeting, she counseled me, “Please don’t be too scared, go be yourself.”

I started feeling braver to share my opinions in larger meetings. If I knew I had something to share that disagreed with a senior leader, I would feel my adrenaline flare internally. Some part of me wanted to speak up and some part of me wanted to stay quiet. My internal voice would scream “Hey, don’t cause conflict, don’t get in the way, it’s safer to stay quiet.” I was deeply afraid of being rejected or judged. But watching her use her voice encouraged me to find and cultivate mine.

I began having an opinion, and thus I began actually leading.

Shape shifting to the people around us is a short-term play. It may appear to get results, but it is exhausting and eventually catches up to us. When we have the courage to consistently tell the truth, we don’t have to spend as much energy turning our armor on or fearing being figured out as an imposter. When we know who we are, and are comfortable with being seen, we have the freedom to our attention outward to the challenge at hand. Getting over the fear of being judged or not belonging is a big hurdle. But your decision to pursue integrity will not only impact but you, but everyone around you.

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💚 Activate joyful excellence

I believe it’s possible for one people leader to shift culture because I have seen it. My new program Activate Joyful Excellence is founded on that premise. When we have the courage and awareness to lead with integrity, we inspire integrity on our teams.

Teams that tell the truth to each other conserve energy, generate better ideas, produce more laughter, and have greater accountability.

I am launching a six-month program this August designed to help people leaders build teams that do great work AND enjoy working together. The cohort will be a select group of six intentional people leaders who care deeply about their team getting great results and want their work to be fulfilling and connecting. This program combines the best of what I know:

• Coaching- helping leaders cultivate their own energy and integrity by learning to lead from within.

• Culture consulting- helping shift behaviors, build new processes, and structure teamwork in a way that allows teams to collaborate with trust, accountability, and joy!

The program will include individual coaching, group work in your small cohort, and tools to bring back and experiment with your team.

If you are interested in learning more and potentially being part of this journey please DM me on LinkedIN, email me at isabel@teamjoycoaching.com, or schedule time to talk with me here.

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Want to build Team Joy with me?

I am looking to schedule discovery calls with amazing, big-hearted, growth-oriented culture builders to clarify the top people and culture challenges companies sized 10-250 navigate, so I can build tools that directly address them.

💚 You are the type of culture builder I’m looking for if:

+You are deeply invested in your own personal development work AND you play a critical role in influencing culture on your team, either as CEO, chief of staff, product manager, a leader within HR, or as head of a department.

+You know that how a team works together is just as important as what the team is working on.

+You care deeply about your team getting great business results.

+You want your team to really enjoy working and collaborating together.

💚 What's in it for you?

In reciprocity for sharing your experiences with me, you may get coaching live and leave with some suggestions on how to either navigate your current culture challenges or uplevel your team to build on your strengths.

If you are open to discussing your experience please DM me on LinkedIN with the words "People & culture call" or email me at isabel@teamjoycoaching.com.